hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
