just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
