i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
