Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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