Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
