Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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