i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
