sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
