The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want a musical about memes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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