her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
