Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
