And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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