are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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