he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
