what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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