I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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