Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
