it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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