he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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