I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want a musical about memes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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