What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
