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So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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