I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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