God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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