Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
