i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
