I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
