Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
