Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
