Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
