So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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