please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
