I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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