just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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