I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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