i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
