I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
