i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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