I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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