she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
