I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
