Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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