I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
