dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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