Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.