pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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