I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character