I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.