Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up