Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."