So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.