Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
