I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
