If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Shame - the story of my life.
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