ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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