I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
