I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
