we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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