Define "chronic" masturbator.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
