we have pet lesbian snakes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
