Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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