Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
