This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
