4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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