she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
