I'm so fucking centered right now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
