So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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