do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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