Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
