Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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