I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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