i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
