Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
