he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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